Research me, Lord! – 2018.04.29

Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See is there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalms 139: 23f

Many people approach God to get something from Him. They are sick and need healing for instance, or feel lonely and restless and seek His consolation His heavenly peace. Generally spoken they need help in all kind of difficult situaltions. And there are so many  afflictions and distresses!
Yes, for all that God is the right address. But do we seek Him only when we are in need and forget Him quickly when everything is running well? Or do we really seek Him always in good and bad times?
When I was young I often sang a song together with others: “In Him is everything I need..,, with Him I have all!” I only remember this very true sentence. If I have health, money,… and not peace and joy then I have not His fullness.
I like to ask God to research what I am looking for, what dominates my wishes. Is it Him, His righteousness, or do I turn to Him only for my benefit, that He fulfills my wishes, which is pure manipulation. So many questions!
Lord, search me and  test my thinking!
Sometimes I do not know whether I really seek Him, trust Him, or whether I just screaming anxiously for quick help and solutions. He knows that and differentiates. How important! He know my feelings, all my thoughts, wants to be my Helper, my Friend, my Partner. I may ask Him: What are my true motivations? Please search me, Lord!
I do not want to feed my old thick fat ego. Please renew my heart! I do not want to lament and moan, want to be strong instead, to endure, bear the other`s burden. I want to live only for Him, serve Him and will watch out that the old, fat thick ego will not interfere. He sees it immediately so I will do it as well. Please search me, Lord!

Lord, I belong to You! You are my King! I know that pride, laziness, self-pity, selfishness, depression, pleasure-seeking want to seize me again and again. Thank you for Your patience and that You help me to be victorious! Lord, I love You! 

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